General George Washington gathered his baffled troops on the eve of battle to reveal his absolute wildest dream for a brand new nation.
He explained that his vision involved controlling their own destiny and doing their very own thing with the English language.
Washington proudly declared that one day our great nation would have a special word for the number 12, and that word shall be a dozen.
When a soldier eagerly asked what other numbers will have their own word, Washington calmly answered none.
Only the number 12 shall have its own word because they are freemen, and they will be free to spell some words two different ways.
The general introduced the word donut and sparked instant confusion over the spelling options.
He then introduced the name Jeff, prompting immediate debate among his troops over what counts as the stupid way.
Washington clarified that the name Jeff can be spelled the short way with a J or the stupid way with a G.
A soldier of color stepped up and asked if these liberties would extend to all Americans, including men of color like himself.
Washington continued detailing his grand vision by explaining how animals change names when they become food.
He outlined that cows will become beef and pigs will become pork while chickens will simply stay chicken.
The revolutionary leader explained that they will create their own foods and name them what they want, like the hamburger.
When a soldier pointed out that a hamburger should be made of ham, Washington admitted that life is not always that simple.
He explained that a hamburger is made of beef, just as a buffalo wing is made of chicken.
Washington offered reassurance that a hot dog will not be made of dogs, but when asked what it is actually made of, he confessed that nobody knows.
When a brave soldier questioned whether they should actually know what goes into a hot dog, Washington ordered him out of the boat.
He insisted that a real American would never want to know what is inside a hot dog, just as they will never know the full reasoning behind the monetary system.
Washington stated that their money is called the dollar, and if he is deemed worthy, his portrait should go on the front of it.
When asked what shall be on the back of the bill, Washington demanded that everything should go on it.
He envisioned crazy stuff, squiggles, Latin words, and a pyramid with a floating eye right on top.
A confused soldier confessed that there seemed to be no rhyme or reason to much of this chaotic planning.
Washington assured his men that for their great nation, they would create schools that teach children these exact ways.
The general revealed that the first year of school will be called kindergarten, while the second year will be called first grade.
There will be 12 grades in total, meaning a dozen grades, though Washington noted they would not use that word that way.
Children would not have to go to school every single day because they would establish their own holidays like the 4th of July, Flag Day, and Presidents Day.
When asked how they will honor leaders on Presidents Day, Washington replied that citizens will buy a mattress.
These were the ultimate dreams for the nation as the general reminded his men that they fight this war to free the English language.
A soldier once again asked if the slaves will be freed after this war.
The general suddenly questioned whether this war was even right before disappearing into the mist.
Watch full video here:
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General George Washington gathered his baffled troops on the eve of battle to reveal his absolute wildest dream for a brand new nation.
He explained that his vision involved controlling their own destiny and doing their very own thing with the English language.
Washington proudly declared that one day our great nation would have a special word for the number 12, and that word shall be a dozen.
When a soldier eagerly asked what other numbers will have their own word, Washington calmly answered none.
Only the number 12 shall have its own word because they are freemen, and they will be free to spell some words two different ways.
The general introduced the word donut and sparked instant confusion over the spelling options.
He then introduced the name Jeff, prompting immediate debate among his troops over what counts as the stupid way.
Washington clarified that the name Jeff can be spelled the short way with a J or the stupid way with a G.
A soldier of color stepped up and asked if these liberties would extend to all Americans, including men of color like himself.
Washington continued detailing his grand vision by explaining how animals change names when they become food.
He outlined that cows will become beef and pigs will become pork while chickens will simply stay chicken.
The revolutionary leader explained that they will create their own foods and name them what they want, like the hamburger.
When a soldier pointed out that a hamburger should be made of ham, Washington admitted that life is not always that simple.
He explained that a hamburger is made of beef, just as a buffalo wing is made of chicken.
Washington offered reassurance that a hot dog will not be made of dogs, but when asked what it is actually made of, he confessed that nobody knows.
When a brave soldier questioned whether they should actually know what goes into a hot dog, Washington ordered him out of the boat.
He insisted that a real American would never want to know what is inside a hot dog, just as they will never know the full reasoning behind the monetary system.
Washington stated that their money is called the dollar, and if he is deemed worthy, his portrait should go on the front of it.
When asked what shall be on the back of the bill, Washington demanded that everything should go on it.
He envisioned crazy stuff, squiggles, Latin words, and a pyramid with a floating eye right on top.
A confused soldier confessed that there seemed to be no rhyme or reason to much of this chaotic planning.
Washington assured his men that for their great nation, they would create schools that teach children these exact ways.
The general revealed that the first year of school will be called kindergarten, while the second year will be called first grade.
There will be 12 grades in total, meaning a dozen grades, though Washington noted they would not use that word that way.
Children would not have to go to school every single day because they would establish their own holidays like the 4th of July, Flag Day, and Presidents Day.
When asked how they will honor leaders on Presidents Day, Washington replied that citizens will buy a mattress.
These were the ultimate dreams for the nation as the general reminded his men that they fight this war to free the English language.
A soldier once again asked if the slaves will be freed after this war.
The general suddenly questioned whether this war was even right before disappearing into the mist.
Watch full video here:
Open full YouTube video
